Calling bullshit on making new Mom friends.
Your probably thinking it’s no wonder she hasn’t made any new Mom friends with a header like that! And I can see why you may think that. But let me explain.
It’s been over 10 months since I gave birth and I have no new Mom friends. No I haven’t been a hermit for 10 plus months, I have attended regular baby groups- 2 a week. I have joined Facebook groups and tried to network through other Mom friends. And nope. No NMBFF in site. (That’s New Mom Best Friend Forever in case you wondered.) No one new to text my daily Mom thoughts too. No one new to go on park walks with and no one new to have play dates with. No new mom girls nights out. No drunken first night out in 14 months stories to share.
Am I sad about it? Maybe. Am I going to beat myself up over it?
For months I have listened to people and magazines and blogs tell me that I need to find a ‘special group of new moms’ to bond with over a cuppa and a pack of Hobnobs. I have heard all about how it is the only way you’ll survive this new Mom stage. I’ve been told to attend more baby groups or suggest a coffee with random strangers is said baby groups. I’ve read I should approach the unknown Moms in the shopping centres and strike up a conversation about baby grows and organic baby shampoo. I have been told to do a lot to make this ‘special group of friends’.
Have I done any of those things? Some of them. I’ve joined additional baby groups and spoke to the Moms in the group who are all really lovely. I even arranged a coffee with one of the Moms. Only for my little one to be ill and I couldn’t attend and had no number to let her know. (New Mom friend maker fail). I’ve smiled at the seemingly new moms in the shopping centres- you know the knowing smiles of motherhood (wtf). I have tried to infiltrate my pre existing mom friends circle of new mom friends. Nothing seems to have worked so far.
And it was starting to get me down. A lot.
What was wrong with me that no one wanted to be my NMBFF? Was it my conversation? Or was it worse was it my parenting choices? Was it because I bottle fed? Was it the fact that I am a SAHM for the foreseeable future by choice? Was it that I had mentioned an addiction to buying baby clothes? Or even worse….was it just me?
And one day it hit me. Yes it was me. All me.
I realised I didn’t want this. And by this, I mean this feeling of having to push a friendship. That’s not how it’s supposed to work is it? I thought you just clicked with someone and then went from there. Or you bonded over a love of many things. And I am sure for many people that is what happens. And that’s great. But for me I couldn’t force a friendship just based on the fact you both had a baby. I also have a green car does that mean I should try and befriend everyone with a green car? Erm nope. That could make for awkward conversations at the petrol station.
And I totally get that some people make friends super easy and have these groups of new mom friends to hang out with and have play dates with hobnobs. And that is great. Honestly that is fantastic for you. And I do envy you a bit. But what I don’t do is worry that it hasn’t happened for me yet. Because it will (or it wont) and I cant stress about it. Not any more.
So I ask, for anyone out there who has found some MNBF….(ok I give up with that now!) some new Mom friends, or for those well wishers who have your best interests at heart. Please don’t ask new Moms if they have made new friends. Because they may feel sad about it. Or they may question themselves. Like I did. Just enjoy your friends and hey- maybe invite them along. There’s enough hobnobs to go around I’m sure.
And to anyone out there who feels sad or angry or confused as to why they haven’t got a new circle of friends with babes, then please don’t. Don’t feel sad. Don’t feel angry. Don’t feel confused. It will happen. Maybe next month or maybe new year. Talk to those who are around you. Your family or husband. Your existing friends or neighbours. Share special times with those who are in your life instead of wasting your time worrying about the people who are not.
Motherhood is a strange journey and as we all know the unexpected always happens when you least expect it. So stop looking so hard for those new Mom friends, have fun and chill a bit. It’s like the saying goes- good things come to those who wait.
So wait. And one day I’m sure you’ll be stocking up on hobnobs. Chocolate ones of course.