Lack of motivation
Things have been a tad quiet on this blog for the past month or so. I could put it down to busy weeks passing me by or the fact that I blogged / Youtube’d a lot before Christmas, but that would be a lie. Basically I have had zero motivation. Or something. I say ‘or something’ because there has been moments of motivation here and there as I’ve had crazy 15 minute moments of creativity and I have a phone full of half written blog posts and pictures to edit. So in part I have wanted to blog. I’ve wanted to share, to create.
But I’ve just not found the follow through. The drive. I have found myself in a slight writers block type situation and its been driving me crackers. Writing is one of my joys and pressing PUBLISH on a blog post brings me much happiness and satisfaction.
I’ve had no ‘get up and go’ in finishing all the little things I’ve started or ideas I’ve had/got. I think it was in part a touch of the after Christmas/ Jan Blues. As cliche as that is.
Also I think I have let myself get a bit overloaded with people who I admire, writers, bloggers, Youtubers etc, who are doing it all and smashing it and I have kind of thought ‘uhhhh- why am I bothering?’ – Which is a very silly and negative mindset to have. Because I obviously do this because I like it as It’s a lot of work and quite frankly you’d have to like it to do it.
Another part of me thinks its the looming dates that I have coming up that are rather depressingly dangling in the back of my mind. The first being my dear Moms birthday next week and the second the 1 year anniversary of her death. The other day I was shopping for a Valentines card for my husband and turned around in the shop to be faced by what felt like an entire wall, an army almost, of Birthday Cards for Moms. It literatly felt like I was surrounded but I couldnt look away. I chose to read some and try and find one. Obviously this led to me being the person in Clintons with the watery eyes so I took my attention back to Valentines day and all its very welcomed ‘heart and pink fluff glory’ to distract myself.
I think the fact these date are coming up are playing on my mind and there isnt anything I can do to change that, and neither would I want to. It feels, in part like when you have a test coming up or an interview that you are dreading- but far worse.
And I know I will feel just as sad after these date have passed. It’s a very bizarre feeling grief. You have these immense moments of missing someone and such deep sadness that is so awful, and then its followed, usually immediately, by this feeling of emptiness – because unlike sadness over a breakup or a stressful time in life- There is no cure. No thoughts of ‘well you can meet someone else’ or tomorrow be better’. No. There is this realization that the person you are sad for is gone and you cannot, even though you may wish it with all your heart, you cannot get them back. So It’s sadness and sorrow and then emptiness. And the emptiness is terrible. Truly.
Ive also been a bit of an overthinker in terms of what to write. Getting annoyed when I couldnt find a whitty pun to write about an eye cream I want to write about, or annoyed when I saw that someone had beat me to a video idea. And all that has to stop. Because not only is Comparison the Thief of Joy (never a truer word spoken) but I just need to crack on. Crack on and just write! Perfection is under rated I’m sure anyway.
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this, but It’s simply to say my motivation has been lacking or gone. My minds been, and still is, elsewhere. But today I’ve decided to pretty much force myself to start to write. And Ive enjoyed it. I’m hoping in posting this it may help clear out a few blogger cobwebs so to speak. Get the ball rolling…
So I’m going to force myself daily to do something, anything within this realm of my blog and Youtube. And hopefully day by day my will, will return.
Thanks for sticking with me.
Your soon to be back in the swing of it blogger
Lady Like Momma