On the eve of my 30th birthday I got to thinking about life. I know deep right…. Surely I should be spending my last few days and hours of my 29’s partying up and fulfilling all those lists of cray cray’ stuff were supposed to do before we hit the big 30.
But no, here I am, starting this blog at 12.31am while lying in bed unable to sleep. Rock and roll stuff.
So yeah, life. It’s good stuff isn’t it.
I can’t quite believe I’m hitting 30 tomorrow. I remember vividly being 18 and 21, and some nice person telling me “it’s all over” and “it’s all downhill now'” on my 21st bday (cheers fucker!), happy f’ing bday an all that!
I remember going into a pub on my 18th bday on a night out and leaving my purse inside and the bouncer not letting me in as my ID was trapped in the pub, therefore stranded outside my own celebrations. (Yeah I’m that girl- a motto I use a lot is –these things only to me).
I remember being 25 and feeling sooo old! And getting married at 24 and feeling very grown up. Then roll back to becoming a mother near 2 years ago (actually on my 27th bday I gave birth! Bday twins! Cute now- not when I was mid pushing!) and thinking now this is when I’m a ‘grown up’.
Well come to this day and I STILL feel like that 18 year old stuck outside Weatherspoons without her ID and balloons.
But a bit wiser and tougher. Especially after these past months. Tough months. Losing my mother. My best friend.
But I have to look at the good things, the celebrations and loved ones. I know my late Mom would want me too.
I’m going to move away from that subject as I don’t want to end my late night draft blogging session in bed in tears again, thus ending with a wet pillow.
So yeah, I suppose time goes fast and you feel- or at least I do – that your growing up. Getting wiser. Learning more about life. I’m not sure what I’ve learnt. I suppose I know my mind more. I trust my instincts now and feel a sense of confidence I haven’t in years previous.
Becoming a mother has made me appreciate love so much more. And the innocence of children. The ‘everything’s exciting’ type thing. I also know who my friends are, and truly feel like I’m ‘in with a good crowd’ when I’m around my mates. I also know how happy I am as a wife, and my role as a mother. I know that being a family and making memories is a top priority for me.
I suppose I know my own mind a lot more (I understand the ironing of starting that sentence with – I suppose-), I know who I am. Kinda.
I know what I want to achieve in many aspects and what I want to spend my time doing. Blogging and writing being one of them. I also realise that I am finally learning my flaws and strengths and that’s quite powerful. Boy were getting deep here folks. Sorry, we’ll get back to the funny ‘shit I’m 30! anecdotes soon!’. But yes, I do truly think it’s so powerful to know when and how you react to stuff. I’ve realised that I do suffer with a tad of anxiety in certain situations and OCD is still a part of me (serious clear of Mr OCD now! Ha- if only it work liked so..). But I also know how to spot the signs of it, and how to try and work on it.
I also know what I’m damn good at. Being a mother, a friend, a wife (that’s it hubby- your a lucky son of a gun! Extra cake on our bday please!). I’m also a good party planner and crafter, a good writer. It feels good to say that last one at last. I’ve always loved writing but never said I’m good at it, but I genuinely think I am now. Phewww a lot of self promotion going on here! Ha!
And physically I know my body can do amazing things now, create life and all that. I want to get fit and change a few things like arse size etc, but I feel good. I feel strong, love my style and have decided of late to feel good about myself again. In fact I didn’t decide that- it just sort of came to me. In a ‘life’s to short and precious to give two hoots whether your thighs are on show or you reveal some arm wobble or not’. And I like that.
So yeah, I know me a lot more than that girl celebrating her 18th and 21st. Which I like. I know truly it’s not “all down hill from those birthdays”, not at all.
And I truly don’t feel like I should be cramming anything into these last few days of my 29’s because I’ve done a lot. Met a lot, loved a lot and learnt a lot. Some good, some bad. But I’ve still learnt.
I think I will have a slight ‘moment’ shall we say when I blow out those candles or open my cards with 30 all over them, but only because I am shocked it’s come round so fast. But equally I wouldn’t slow it down or change a thing I’ve done. Truly.
So here’s to me. A rocking 29 years. A slightly random post I’ll give you that. More one for me to look back on and to fill my time as I struggle to sleep in this mini heat wave I’m LOVING!
But yeah- 30s coming…. And I’m excited.
And don’t worry- When I go out to celebrate my birthday I’ll take a spare ID out with me just incase the bouncers won’t let me in the pub if I nip out…. A girl can dream right?!
Lady Like Momma