When you first have a baby everyone, literally everyone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps. Do you? No. Well you may end up collapsing onto your bed while changing the duvet and fall into a sleepless night induced coma for a few hours. But no, you mainly use those nap times to clean, do laundry, shower, use the toilet….you get my drift.
14 months in and the naps are no longer glorious 3-4 hour stints.(Do you remember those naps- I used to be make comments like – “I have NO time to clean! I cannot get anything done! I’m missing watching the Kardashians on repeat!” Oh how I look back and laugh…)
Naps are usually just shy of 2 hours and a second nap later in the day if I’m lucky. And I realise that this does make me very lucky….
Still as I sit here writing this (during nap time) I am in constant clock watch mode. Naptime for me is a 50/50 toss up between sitting on the sofa staring out the window doing nothing, or running around the house spritzing Febreeze everywhere I go!
Nap time- 16 stages of nap time
1- Baby finally falls asleep after finding a new lease of energy and performing half the act to Circ du Solei in the cot meaning you were up and down the stairs like an extra from said show detangling baby’s legs from cot bars.
2- You check again that sleepy time is in progress. Success is mine!
3- You creep out the room/downstairs- ultimately discovering every creaky floorboard in your home and wishing you had red tape to mark these floorboards.
4- You face nap time dilemma 101- Do I utilise this time to dust, clean, wash, sort the mountain of post/emails or do you do SFA*? Glorious you time– TV, online shop, stare into the middle of nowhere in blissful quiet….hmmmm which one…. I really need to dust. Hmmm.
(You subsequently check the clock and 10 minutes have past while you have been deliberating! Come on choose!! Arghhhh! Motherhoods made me so indecisive. OK – housework it is. BORE. Dusting is SERIOSULY needed. Yawn.)
5- You start to clean and realise the polish is upstairs. Hmm. Do I creep upstairs to get it? Yes it’s needed and baby’s asleep. You creep upstairs diving around those floorboards, grab the polish and make your speedy getaway down the stairs only to drop the can of polish and have it bounce of every damn step. You dash to the bottom of stairs uttering SSShhhhhhhhhs in your quietest yet angriest voice before commencing….what was I doing?
6- You finish cleaning and tidy a bit and notice half an hour has gone by. Time for a cuppa while you put the washing on. Make your cup of tea and as you bring the mug to your lips you are stopped by your dog going wild as the doorbell rings. You turn to him and give him the look of- One. More. Bark. Try me. – he promptly ignores your glare and continues to bark wildly at the delivery man. Or a rogue plastic bag rolling down the street. You know….whatever takes his fancy.
7- You realise you haven’t checked baby monitor in the last 10 mins or so, and subsequently grab it to your ear in a very Ethan Hunt Mission Impossible type manner. All is well.
8- You decide the house is clean enough (well- that’s your story and your sticking with it) and decide to remove the chipped and gross nail varnish that has been lurking on your fingertips for WAY to long. Yay it’s gone.
9- The phone rings. Your parents. Why do people call me during nap time and expect me to chat for 15 valuable minutes when I would much rather call people back while making the tea and dealing with a screaming baby? This is my valuable time of the day I can speak to NO ONE. You chat for 5 minutes before making your excuses.
10- Clock check – it’s been an hour. You decide to be bold as baby has been taking pretty consistent 1 hour 54 minute naps to paint those nails.
11- You apply one coat of shimmering peals to the nails.
12- Grab the monitor- all is ok. Except you smudge a nail.
13- Remember you made a cup of tea. Discover it’s cold. Re-boil kettle. (Damn – chipped another nail. Oh well I’ll rock it. 8 nails painted is better than no nails painted. Right?
14- Baby screams. Likes proper screams. Something must be up. You dash upstairs and into baby’s room to find her fast asleep. Only you have startled her with your Tom Cruise Mission Impossible style entrance into the room. (Seriously what is with all the MI references? Jeez) Now baby is awake. Like wide awake.
15- You change baby (and smudge the rest of your nails), open blinds, chuck all the laundry you were ‘storing’ in the cot pre nap time, back into the cot and make your way downstairs to start the fun.
16- Put baby down to play (ie- make a mess of your freshly cleaned house) and make your way to get some toys. You nearly fall on your face as you roll across the floor on top of some type of can. What is this?! A can of polish? Bollocks! I forgot to dust!!
(*SFA- Sweet F**k all for anyone who does not know)